Last night

took me to seven nights boozing in a row, which is a little worrying. Even more worrying was the random Botswanan girl that attached herself to us (Ray, Kate & I) in Pivo.

We wandered in around 12 or 1 or so, and Ray (I think) went to get us some drinks. My eyes did the scan-the-pub thing almost as a reflex, and I vaguely registered that a girl on the other side of the bar locked eyes with me briefly. Meh. I was drunk and disinterested and attempting to convince Kate that no, I wouldn't be dancing because I dance like a tool.

Imagine my surprise when said girl popped up beside me and said "Hi there, do you mind if I hang out with you until x?", where x was something reasonable like "until my friend turns up" or "for a while" or something similar.

x should in fact have been one of the following:

1. you realise that I'm a Christian fundamentalist mentalist
   
2. I freak you out so much you'll want to get the fuck away from me
   
3. both of the above
   

At this particular moment I was alone: Ray and Kate were both elsewhere, buying drinks or at the toilet or whatever. I said "Yeah, sure. No problem." When they arrived, I gave them an I-have-no-idea-who-this-person-is look. We all chatted away for a bit. All seemed okay.

And then the conversation turned to reincarnation, as it does. It became obvious that this young lady was a bit of a nutter. Her phone rang at this point, and she answered it. I was now staring wide-eyed at Ray and Kate hoping that someone would have some kind of plan to get the hell away from this lunatic. And then I had the distinct sensation of someone kissing my arm.

I looked incredulously at her. And asked quite reasonably, I thought, "Did you just kiss my arm?"

She didn't answer, because she talking was on the phone and didn't appear to have heard. She wandered off towards the toilets and I stared, aghast, at Ray and Kate. "Did you just see that? She kissed my arm! Let's get the fuck out of here."

In doing so, I leant back on the bar for some much-needed support, whereupon someone planted - accidentally - a lit cigarette on the selfsame arm. It hurt.

"Right. Let's go." And we did.